Javen Says:


Yeah i know... emo emo emo... nothing but emo-ness... f*cking mood of mine is affecting me not only at home, but also at work... i have not been performing which i should be because it's my probation period...

I have not been eating well... onli a meal a day... i have not been smiling, i have not been talking much and i have not been cheerful for quite a while...

I'd rather die than to go thru this suffering... i'm beginning to wonder where are all the pple who love me? m doubting love aft what i have gone thru, m feeling totally helpless and m so disappointed w myself... but then again, no pain no gain, no failure no success....

I'm like a lil puppy helpless being kicked away, but it still runs back to the owner whining, begging with no dignity.. what has become of me?
A lil puppy dunno anything, but i know better coz i'm human... yet i gotta stoop so low jus to beg and get coldness...

Shameless? I wan to wake up from this nightmare soon and move on w my life...
Under appreciated...

You're not to be blamed, i am guilty too, but that does not make you innocent...

i dun believe in love anymore and i dun believe in fairytale endings...

i can go on and on and on... but i choose not to pity myself or look pathetic in others eyes, esp yours... i have lose my dignity and i'm gonna get it back...

thanks for reading, thanks for sharing and thanks for loving me once...

Javen Says:

A thought to ponder upon... You were born to be loved, but to love is tiring compared than to be loved by...

A song to u till ur big day... love u..

Javen Says:

Hmmm... i did something for u, thinking tat when i complete it, i can win u over... however, as soon as i completed it, u said to me to move on....

I guess u shud jus keep it no matter wad ur decision will be as i have already decided to give it to you...

nonetheless, i cannot wait to present it to you... or mayb i shan't... we'll see...



This song is for u...

Javen Says:

Dear blog... i suddenly felt like blogging my feelings... tat will be disappointingly sad..

U know longer can see wad i see and no longer can think wad i'm thinking... and slowly u no longer can feel wad i'm feeling... u're beginning to give up on me and losing me... it's like running a race, which has no ending pt... :-(

I tried hard, but there seems to be no reciprocation.. I say m ok, but m not..
But u seem to either lose touch w me or choose not to be bothered by it... either way, it's disheartening..

well... moving on will be tough, but i will soon aft e big day... i will not carry false hopes ever again... onli to be hurt time and again..

thank you for loving me once and thank u for letting me love u...

this song expresses everything i need to say... love u as long as u allow me to love u... but seems that u have stopped loving me...



PS: The tears of being touched is zero as compared to the tears produced to touch someone... will u ever understand?

Javen Says:

Recently i learnt alot from life experiences.. It was a rollercoaster ride for me at least. I have never been so messed up in life till recently...

I always thought i was a tree firmly rooted in the ground... but recently i let my guards down, put my egos aside and went prideless to pursue what i believed to be a dream that i see is worth my life pursuing... but i was so wrong.. as a result, i'm slipping into a depression...

So my question is what is hope?

Hope as i define: Is waiting for something that will never materialise... i am so disappointed in life and so disappointed in anything at the moment... i have crumbled like an ant home being trampled on by someone only to have ur pride and ego taken away.. wad can be worse than all these combination....

Should i be angry or sad or self pity myself for being so dumb? I have lost all trust and hope with anyone.. Empty promises and false hopes.. enough is enough...

I dun think i will be the same person anymore, I am frustrated with all the uncertainties in life that brings to u onli but disappointment w oneself time and again..

I was faced with a question that is
To try again and again in wad i believe in doing or
To just give up and focus on other things...

At this point in time.. wad will u do? I tried countless times exhausting all options, onli to be disappointed, things that i have never thought i would have done and so i did... but where was the hope???????????? ZERO!!!

Well done... Javen. checkmate!

Javen Says:

Hi all, sorry for the MIA for a while... M actually going thru a tough phase in life and have since moved on... believe it or not, this is my hundredth post leh!!!!!!!!!!!!! wah!!!!

Recently i am crazy about wondergirls from korea... sexy!!!

i have some interestings vids here... enjoy...





And a dance here by some Thai sch boys....

Javen Says:

You said No, which is unlike of u... but still it's a No... i dunno wad was the effect that drove that answer.
I was very happy and looking forward for a Yes... but i was disappointed...
Thank you for everything..

End of chapter...