Why do i get hurt time and again.... just when i tot all was moving well... i fell into a deep pit again, onli to come crawling up with alot of wound...
This time round, nothing can describe the pain... it's something beyond my heart can take.. something tat leaves me utterly speechless?
Crying.. i've been crying day after day, nite after nite... something tat i seldom do and this time round is uncontrollably...
Y is this happening to me??????????
I dun wanna know anything anymore... coz the more i know the more things i discover... the more secrets unveiled, more hidden agenda, more mysteries coming up, more ugly you coming thru...
u onli hurt me time and again... i love u so deeply onli to get hurt...
There are so many times that i wept thru the nite... so many times that i wept on the way to work... so many times that i wept to sleep... countless of times when i wept and i realli dun know y the tears came trickling...
All i feel is pain and disappointment from so many things over the past few years, that i realli question myself, was it wasted after all these years???
I thought i was always so careful and perfect, meticulous in everything i do, planning and making sure everything will go well, but didn't expect that the thing that i put so much effort into, was the onli thing that failed my expectations...
I'm frustrated and disappointed, w all the contradicting actions and all the sweet nothings whispered to my ears, onli to be crushed when i was told that the status was misunderstood...
Lying thru that eyes unknowingly, just killed my heart... and worst of all.. the peeps that i tot i was close to was actually jus acquaintances??? I was devastated!!!
I went to the temple to pray recently and kept u and ur family in my prayers automaticlaly, den i tot to myself, y should i, when nothing is usually reciprocated from you... then i realise, it always pay to be kind no matter wat..
I hope my prayers will be answered and i hope i have the strength to carry on...
I hope u're reading this and think thru "the amt of efforts" u have put in all these while actually pales out in comparison to that of wad i have afforded...
And to my dear fren who has trust issues... sometimes, trust is not wad u seek in a friendship... it's faith that keeps the friendship going... if one is always so weary of the surroundings, it's hard to open urself and be sociable.. i hope u understand wad i'm typing here and wish u success in discovering the new you...
U think i've crossed the line? i'm behaving like this becoz i cannot seem to make out ur contradicting actions... I admit i am over reacting, but if u'd realli sit down and think (which i think u're always avoiding), u're no more the person i know... and u've become so shallow... I think u've hurt me enough....
I really wonder how much effort one can put in... or how much concern one can show... in this case... seems like u cannot be bothered... did u read and u said u were asleep? (sorry) or did u not read and u realli went to sleep? (cannot be bothered to even reply my smses) This is how much effort one can show... u begin to realli intrigue my senses of "bo chup ness"
For those who wondered whether m ok now... yes m feeling much better and somewhat disappointed with whatever that's going on in my life.... One thing for sure is that ignorance is really a total bliss in a sense... becoz knowing too much can jus ruin ur life... therefore knowing lesser is better... and the best is not knowing anything...
The onli way to do tat is to totally forget everything and jus slowly bow out of the picture... I will bow out soon in time to come and i will change for the better...
All is calm now, the storms over.. the heart has died and it feels like the time has come to a complete stillness... My heart aches but i know time will heal... i won't know how long it will take.. but i pray for this to be over soon... Life still moves on... stay happy always, i know it is to be the best for both of us to come to this decision... love you always... bye fairy...
This is song is specially for you... Ave Maria... though we are not together, it explains everything i feel for you....
She was lost in so many different ways Out in the darkness with no guide I know the cost of a losing hand Never thought the grace of god go high
I found heaven on earth You were my last, my first And then here this voice inside Ave maria
I've been alone When i'm surrounded by friends How could the silence be so loud But i still go home knowing that i've got you There's us when the lights go down
You are my heaven on earth You are my hunger, my thirst I always hear this voice inside Singing ave maria
Sometimes love can come and pass you by While your busy making plans Suddenly hit you and then you realize It's out of your hands, baby you got to understand
You are my heaven on earth You are my last, my first And then i hear this voice inside Ave maria Ave maria Ave maria
I hope u're reading this entry... put some effort pls... disappointed as it is, i dun wanna hate u.... the least u could do is to try and make things seem less heartless... at least for me...
Yest was prolly one of the days where i'm a lil happy aft some period... The nite b4, i managed to hug my fav soft toy PUPU... hee call me a girl, but i realli miss it... I went to watch the movie 17 again, which is realli meaningful... *winks* Then i went to eat at one of our fav place Ayam Penyet at lucky plaza... aft tat we sat train together and called it a day... Yes! it's a simple outing, but still i am happy... mayb the last time doing this, but i still pray for strength to move on... pray for me...
Yeah i know... emo emo emo... nothing but emo-ness... f*cking mood of mine is affecting me not only at home, but also at work... i have not been performing which i should be because it's my probation period...
I have not been eating well... onli a meal a day... i have not been smiling, i have not been talking much and i have not been cheerful for quite a while...
I'd rather die than to go thru this suffering... i'm beginning to wonder where are all the pple who love me? m doubting love aft what i have gone thru, m feeling totally helpless and m so disappointed w myself... but then again, no pain no gain, no failure no success....
I'm like a lil puppy helpless being kicked away, but it still runs back to the owner whining, begging with no dignity.. what has become of me? A lil puppy dunno anything, but i know better coz i'm human... yet i gotta stoop so low jus to beg and get coldness...
Shameless? I wan to wake up from this nightmare soon and move on w my life... Under appreciated...
You're not to be blamed, i am guilty too, but that does not make you innocent...
i dun believe in love anymore and i dun believe in fairytale endings...
i can go on and on and on... but i choose not to pity myself or look pathetic in others eyes, esp yours... i have lose my dignity and i'm gonna get it back...
thanks for reading, thanks for sharing and thanks for loving me once...
Dear blog... i suddenly felt like blogging my feelings... tat will be disappointingly sad..
U know longer can see wad i see and no longer can think wad i'm thinking... and slowly u no longer can feel wad i'm feeling... u're beginning to give up on me and losing me... it's like running a race, which has no ending pt... :-(
I tried hard, but there seems to be no reciprocation.. I say m ok, but m not.. But u seem to either lose touch w me or choose not to be bothered by it... either way, it's disheartening..
well... moving on will be tough, but i will soon aft e big day... i will not carry false hopes ever again... onli to be hurt time and again..
thank you for loving me once and thank u for letting me love u...
this song expresses everything i need to say... love u as long as u allow me to love u... but seems that u have stopped loving me...
PS: The tears of being touched is zero as compared to the tears produced to touch someone... will u ever understand?
Recently i learnt alot from life experiences.. It was a rollercoaster ride for me at least. I have never been so messed up in life till recently...
I always thought i was a tree firmly rooted in the ground... but recently i let my guards down, put my egos aside and went prideless to pursue what i believed to be a dream that i see is worth my life pursuing... but i was so wrong.. as a result, i'm slipping into a depression...
So my question is what is hope?
Hope as i define: Is waiting for something that will never materialise... i am so disappointed in life and so disappointed in anything at the moment... i have crumbled like an ant home being trampled on by someone only to have ur pride and ego taken away.. wad can be worse than all these combination....
Should i be angry or sad or self pity myself for being so dumb? I have lost all trust and hope with anyone.. Empty promises and false hopes.. enough is enough...
I dun think i will be the same person anymore, I am frustrated with all the uncertainties in life that brings to u onli but disappointment w oneself time and again..
I was faced with a question that is To try again and again in wad i believe in doing or To just give up and focus on other things...
At this point in time.. wad will u do? I tried countless times exhausting all options, onli to be disappointed, things that i have never thought i would have done and so i did... but where was the hope???????????? ZERO!!!
Hi all, sorry for the MIA for a while... M actually going thru a tough phase in life and have since moved on... believe it or not, this is my hundredth post leh!!!!!!!!!!!!! wah!!!!
Recently i am crazy about wondergirls from korea... sexy!!!
You said No, which is unlike of u... but still it's a No... i dunno wad was the effect that drove that answer. I was very happy and looking forward for a Yes... but i was disappointed... Thank you for everything..
A few moments ago, I asked a question that was rather important to me and i got a negative answer first then an unsure silence came thru... therefore being me, I'd take the first answered replied as the ultimate answer.
I guess you have moved on and that you're tired of me afterall... I'd respect that and I shall amicably put an end to the past...
I guessed i have matured thru the past mth or so and see things completely differently... I also realized that everyone, no matter what their age, intelligence or financial background is, should all be given a chance... that's only if one is not materialistic...
True happiness can only be achieved if both party puts in much effort... sometimes, time do not permit for one to put in that amt of effort, but there must always be that buffer somewhere to make up for it... but most of the time, it shortfalls of it....
Whatever the reason is or was does not matter now... a choice was given and an answer has surfaced from deep within... i respect that and wish us all the best...
I understand why marriage fails so often nowadays, even after six yrs of togetherness will never be able to bind a couple forever, because time was never on their side.. and more often than not, time was never being replaced back even though effort was put into it to make up for it...
Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little.
Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of our future that you planned: Only remember me; you understand It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while And afterwards remember, do not grieve: For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had, Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.
Hey baby girl, I've been watching you all day (all day x3) Man that thing you got behind you is amazing (amazing x3) You make me want to take you out and let it rain (let it rain x3) I know you got a man but this is what you should say
Why don't you tell him that I'm leavin' never to come back again You found somebody who does it better than he can No more making you cry, no more them gray skies Girl we flying on the G5 G5 And I'm leavin' never lookin back again So go on shawty and tell him you found a new man The one who's so so fly, the one that keep you high Have me singing all night night night Oh oh oh (repeat) man she got me singin Oh oh oh oh (repeat)
Now if I talk it girl, you know that I will walk it out (walk it out x3) Man I'll put my money (money) where my mouth is (mouth is x3) Cause you the baddest little thing that I've ever seen (ever seen x3) So Ima ask you one time if you got a man
Why don't you tell him that I'm leavin' never to come back again You found somebody who does it better than he can No more making you cry, no more them gray skies Girl we flying on the G5 G5 And I'm leavin' never lookin back again So go on shawty and tell him you found a new man The one who's so so fly, the one that keep you high Have me singing all night night night Oh oh oh (repeat) man she got me singin Oh oh oh oh (repeat)
Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress Just tell him to the left left left Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress Cause we gone, and we gone, and we gone No stress, no stress, no stress Girl you deserve nothing but the best No stress, no stress, no stress Girl you need to tell him
That I'm leavin' never to come back again You found somebody who does it better than he can No more making you cry, no more them gray skies Girl we flying on the G5 G5 And I'm leavin' never lookin back again So go on shawty and tell him you found a new man The one who's so so fly, the one that keep you high Have me singing all night night night night night Oh oh oh (repeat) man she got me singin Oh oh oh oh (repeat)
She got me singin al night night night night night Man she got me singin She got me singing, oh she got me singing She got me singing, girl you got me singing
Javen Says: Should i become and embalmer with this formula?
ON TV: National Geographic's Italy's Mystery Mummies airs in the United States on Tuesday, February 3, at 10 p.m. ET/PT on the National Geographic Channel.
January 26, 2009--She's one of the world's best-preserved bodies: Rosalia Lombardo, a two-year-old Sicilian girl who died of pneumonia in 1920. "Sleeping Beauty," as she's known, appears to be merely dozing beneath the glass front of her coffin in the Capuchin Catacombs of Palermo, Italy.
Now an Italian biological anthropologist, Dario Piombino-Mascali of the Institute for Mummies and the Iceman in Bolzano, has discovered the secret formula that preserved Rosalia's body so well. (Piombino-Mascali is funded by the National Geographic Society's Expeditions Council. National Geographic News is owned by the National Geographic Society.)
Piombino-Mascali tracked down living relatives of Alfredo Salafia, a Sicilian taxidermist and embalmer who died in 1933. A search of Salafia's papers revealed a handwritten memoir in which he recorded the chemicals he injected into Rosalia's body: formalin, zinc salts, alcohol, salicylic acid, and glycerin.
Formalin, now widely used by embalmers, is a mixture of formaldehyde and water that kills bacteria. Salafia was one of the first to use this for embalming bodies. Alcohol, along with the arid conditions in the catacombs, would have dried Rosalia's body and allowed it to mummify. Glycerin would have kept her body from drying out too much, and salicylic acid would have prevented the growth of fungi.
But it was the zinc salts, according to Melissa Johnson Williams, executive director of the American Society of Embalmers, that were most responsible for Rosalia's amazing state of preservation. Zinc, which is no longer used by embalmers in the United States, petrified Rosalia's body.
"[Zinc] gave her rigidity," Williams said. "You could take her out of the casket prop her up, and she would stand by herself."
Piombino-Mascali calls the self-taught Salafia an artist: "He elevated embalming to its highest level."
Learn more about Rosalia in National Geographic magazine's "Sicily Crypts".
Researchers at the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute recently solved the half-century-old mystery of a fish with tubular eyes and a transparent head. Ever since the "barreleye" fish Macropinna microstoma was first described in 1939, marine biologists have known that its tubular eyes are very good at collecting light. However, the eyes were believed to be fixed in place and seemed to provide only a "tunnel-vision" view of whatever was directly above the fish's head. A new paper by Bruce Robison and Kim Reisenbichler shows that these unusual eyes can rotate within a transparent shield that covers the fish's head. This allows the barreleye to peer up at potential prey or focus forward to see what it is eating.
Deep-sea fish have adapted to their pitch-black environment in a variety of amazing ways. Several species of deep-water fishes in the family Opisthoproctidae are called "barreleyes" because their eyes are tubular in shape. Barreleyes typically live near the depth where sunlight from the surface fades to complete blackness. They use their ultra-sensitive tubular eyes to search for the faint silhouettes of prey overhead.
Although such tubular eyes are very good at collecting light, they have a very narrow field of view. Furthermore, until now, most marine biologists believed that barreleye's eyes were fixed in their heads, which would allow them to only look upward. This would make it impossible for the fishes to see what was directly in front of them, and very difficult for them to capture prey with their small, pointed mouths.
Robison and Reisenbichler used video from MBARI's remotely operated vehicles (ROVs) to study barreleyes in the deep waters just offshore of Central California. At depths of 600 to 800 meters (2,000 to 2,600 feet) below the surface, the ROV cameras typically showed these fish hanging motionless in the water, their eyes glowing a vivid green in the ROV's bright lights. The ROV video also revealed a previously undescribed feature of these fish--its eyes are surrounded by a transparent, fluid-filled shield that covers the top of the fish's head.
Most existing descriptions and illustrations of this fish do not show its fluid-filled shield, probably because this fragile structure was destroyed when the fish were brought up from the deep in nets. However, Robison and Reisenbichler were extremely fortunate--they were able to bring a net-caught barreleye to the surface alive, where it survived for several hours in a ship-board aquarium. Within this controlled environment, the researchers were able to confirm what they had seen in the ROV video--the fish rotated its tubular eyes as it turned its body from a horizontal to a vertical position.
In addition to their amazing "headgear," barreleyes have a variety of other interesting adaptations to deep-sea life. Their large, flat fins allow them to remain nearly motionless in the water, and to maneuver very precisely (much like MBARI's ROVs). Their small mouths suggest that they can be very precise and selective in capturing small prey. On the other hand, their digestive systems are very large, which suggests that they can eat a variety of small drifting animals as well as jellies. In fact, the stomachs of the two net-caught fish contained fragments of jellies.
After documenting and studying the barreleye's unique adaptations, Robison and Reisenbichler developed a working hypothesis about how this animal makes a living. Most of the time, the fish hangs motionless in the water, with its body in a horizontal position and its eyes looking upward. The green pigments in its eyes may filter out sunlight coming directly from the sea surface, helping the barreleye spot the bioluminescent glow of jellies or other animals directly overhead. When it spots prey (such as a drifting jelly), the fish rotates its eyes forward and swims upward, in feeding mode.
Barreleyes share their deep-sea environment with many different types of jellies. Some of the most common are siphonophores (colonial jellies) in the genus Apolemia. These siphonophores grow to over 10 meters (33 feet) long. Like living drift nets, they trail thousands of stinging tentacles, which capture copepods and other small animals. The researchers speculate that barreleyes may maneuver carefully among the siphonophore's tentacles, picking off the captured organisms. The fish's eyes would rotate to help the fish keep its "eyes on the prize," while its transparent shield would protect the fish's eyes from the siphonophore's stinging cells.
1 March is here, and it's already a quarter of the yr going by so soon... How I'd wish i could turn back time and reminisce the past... but then again... i wanna move on and grow up with time... (praying for wisdom)
Recently i am really frustrated with the things going on in my life. Sometimes, i wish i could read people' mind better, because i am having problems understanding someone, then again... it's of no use... i wanna give up doing that... tiring...
Am i so difficult to understand? Are my words so hard to comprehend? It's this kinda weird situation when having a conversation that puts me really off... and therefore i am tired to continue the conversation and i think in time to come, talking will be such a turn off...
Today is yet again a special day 26TH... i dedicate this to you...
I'm so into what you giving and it feel so good to me You're beautiful and critical it's hard to live without you, baby When I wake up in the morning all I want to see is you Heaven's blessing that he sent me unconditional and true Girl you mean the world to me and I hope you understand I will give you anything and I'll do the best I can to make you see what I see
One word Is all I need to say exactly how I feel One word A single word that's from the heart and keep sit real One word And baby I know this one fits you to a tee One word All I can say is amazing
Always there when i was going through all kinds of changes You kept me lifted, said I'm gifted and you know I'm gonna make it So when you're tired and frustrated you can always count on me Girl I love ya and I want ya to know I'll be all you need Girl you gave the world to me and you made me understand You would give me anything and you do the best you can You are what I hope to be
One word Is all I need to say exactly how I feel One word A single word that's from the heart and keeps it real One word And baby I know this one fits you to a tee One word All I can say is amazing
One Word I just want to celebrate yo, baby And thank the Lord for sending you down to me And your love is the reason why I believe You're amazing So amazing Just amazing to me
One word One word One word
One word One word One word
One word One word One word
All I can say is amazing
One word Is all I need to say exactly how I feel One word A single word that's from the heart and keeps it real One word And baby I know this one fits you to a tee One word All I can say is amazing
A litre of tears won't do much, a litre of tears won't change the future, a litre of tears did awaken me... but i felt i lost alot over the month and that it cannot be recovered..
Suddenly i felt little and helpless... where is that feeling of mine? where is the javen i used to know? This journey felt like i was thru space; cold and dark....
I am scared to face what's to come, everything seems to be bleak and scary.. but i will face it bravely no matter what... so much on my mind that it's about to burst... i wanna cry, but only tears trickled.. Am i thinking too much? or it's just cold fact?
Pray..
listening to my MD and filling out my papers i already cast you aside once but i wan to get you back again
before it started to rain we pointed to the umbrella because we were both cowards
bye bye
didn't you say you wanted to hold me close, hold me close, your body heat makes me dizzy
outside the window the rain makes everything wet meet me now, meet me now, meet me now forever waiting for you...
a small raindrop slides down the white window now i'm used to be alone and though i left you i didn't let you fall
i think one mm is already too faraway we certainly were a bunch of liars bye bye
Will you ever? I don't think you will ever fully understand how you've touched my life and made me who I am. I don't think you could ever know just how truly special you are that even on the darkest nights you are my brightest star. I don't think you will ever fully comprehend how you've made my dreams come true or how you've opened my heart to love and the wonders it can do. You've allowed me to experience something very hard to find unconditional love that exists in my body, soul, and mind. I don't think you could ever feel all the love I have to give and I'm sure you'll never realize you've been my will to live. You are an amazing person and without you I don't know where I'd be. Having you in my life completes and fulfills every part of me. I'm sorry that it has to come to such an end, but life revolves on uncertainty, and I hope that i have made the right decision for the both of us.. Do move on and not grieve too much, I will be there to walk the journey with you. I still love you like a family, my arms are always open for you and my shoulders are always there for you to lean on. I hope you will take this time to move on and be stronger.... departed...
M in the creative industry, fun-loving, world-peace and nice to be around with.. xcept the most imp thing, BITCHY.. If you're like me, this is the place for U.
